Garlick: A Proud History

Little is known of the ancient Garlicks... some say that they hail from Scotland, but others contend that they come from Italy. At any rate, the first recorded Garlick was St. Deborah Garlick of Brussels (default image), who was said to have plucked a feather from the Holy Spirit so she could write in her Sacred Book. It is not known what she wrote in this Book, but her martyrdom at the hands of a flock of angry white doves shows her as someone willing to die for what she believes in.

Abraham Garlick, little known president of the United States. He came from a vast line of "Garlic Barons" but was ousted from office when it was learned that he had abolished slavery for everyone but his own garlic plantation.

Vincent Van Garlick, Debbie's great-great-great grandfather, was one of the first artists to mutilate his body for the sake of a prostitute. Unfortunately, he was unable to urinate afterwards and drowned a week later in his own bodily wastes.

During the 1930's, Debbie's grandmother was one of Norman Rockwell's favorite models, and one can clearly see the family resemblence in the painting "A Young Man's Fancy: Garlick" from the Saturday Evening Post.

Debbie's great-grandfather Samuel Garlick lent his face to this famous image. At the time "Uncle Sam Garlick" appeared, young men were hypnotized by his leer and found themselves signing up for the army in record numbers.

Whether on the front lines or on the home front, the Garlick family did their best for the Allies during World War II. Captain Jake Garlick was said to be able to scare the enemy into surrendering with his menacing scowl. Rosie Garlick had the unfortunate job of rivet catcher in one of the many aircraft factories of Detroit.

Sharp-eyed comic book fans probably remember Debbie from her stint as a pitch woman for The Consumer Gazette, a "how to get free samples by mail" scam.

Here Salvador Dali mimics Debbie's trademark "Garlick Stare" during one of their many surreal evenings together in the 1970's. Charles Manson was also a big fan of Debbie's leer, but he was not available for comment.